Why don't you just admit it?

Why don't you just admit it?  It's so obvious you feel sorry for me. 

Just a few "small" things irked me this past week.  Last Friday was crummy.  I just couldn't make myself be in a good mood, and usually there's a few go to things that cheer me up.  However, they just weren't working.  At the end of Friday I sat down and kind of laughed.  The best part of my crummy Friday?  That none of the things working me into a tizzy had anything to do with Down syndrome.  I mean, Emery is amazing.  She can make me smile no matter what is going on.  Now, she's kind of in a stinker mood herself lately.  Telling me no and such, but that's okay.  I'll take it.  It means she's 2! 

Anyway, two incidents just rubbed me the wrong way, and here I am days later still thinking of them.  Some people are just insensitive or lack tact, or maybe they lack general common courtesy.  Others are just socially awkward--trying to be nice, participate in a conversation, make connections, when instead just further alienate because of absurd statements.  I just want to tell this woman to hush.  I wish she realized how uneducated her comments make her seem.  I am the first to admit the world of Down syndrome was overwhelming and unnerving when little lady was born.  But I took my lead from other, more experienced moms.  I listened (novel idea, I know), and picked up the lingo, the pc terminology.  Being politically correct is an entirely different blog post that maybe one day I'll brave, but I'll save that soapbox for later.  Okay, back on topic.  I just want to scream "I see the way you look at me when I share Emery stories."  I can see her wheels turn to think about how old her child was when he reached these milestones.  Great, your kid was talking in full paragraphs by this point.  Was he fluent in French too?  Because if he was, then I'd be impressed. 

It can be hard to see other 2 year olds and compare.  Don't tell me not to!  We all do!  Everyone does.  It's in our nature.  I don't see it as a competition; part of me feels like if I stay hyper vigilant of her delays, then I can stay on top of them.  Okay, she takes a swing at you if you are not paying attention to her when she demands it.  Nope, no one else is doing that anymore.  So, we'll work on it.  We'll focus on some socialization activities. 

This weekend while at lunch I caught a grown woman pointing at my daughter.  She couldn't have stared any harder if she tried.  The way she "whispered," while pointing, "Look, right there, that little girl, she has Down syndrome," really struck a nerve.  She gets props for labeling her disability properly.  If she had said "that little girl is Downs," like I've seen before I might not have kept my composure.  I wanted to stand up and and say "Yep, she does.  Problem?"  The way she exaggerated each word was like I was holding an escaped monkey from the zoo.  She and her husband stared the remainder of our time there, and their heads moved in warp speed to face the opposite direction as we stood to leave.  I couldn't figure it out.  Some days it doesn't bother me when people stare.  I figure they have their reasons.  I was taught not to stare, but that does not mean they were.  It just didn't feel like a positive encounter.  I mused over the lunch gathering to decide if Em had done something that might have drawn some attention to herself.  Did she scream or throw a tantrum? Nope, unlike other children there for lunch, she mostly sat in her seat and ate her green beans, broccoli, rice, and chicken.  Did she throw her things? She did miss the table once when putting her sippy cup back, but that's not unusual.  Was she unpleasant?  Of course not.  She waved and said hello as people passed her.  She gave an unprompted "thank you" to the waiter, at an appropriate time I might add. 

I don't know why it bothered me.  Maybe because I wanted to know why she cared so much.  Did she have a good enough reason?  I'll never know.  Often times in the quiet I think about how we are perceived by others.  Our parents?  What do they think of us? Of this journey?  Do they feel sad for us?  Are they proud of us?  They have not lived this experience as parents, as I have not lived their grandparent experience.  If I could be a fly on the wall!  Do our friends pity us?  Our lives as parents?  It's bizarre to be living a lifestyle that you can only partly relate to others.  I suppose that could be true for many situations though.  I do not know what it's like to be a single mother, to be unemployed, to have a prenatal diagnosis, to have a 2 year old that has had multiple surgeries.  We've met many amazing people since Emery was born, but no one in our lives before totally gets it.  And that can be tough.  The toughest part is wondering if people have questions but are just afraid to ask.

Just for the record, I'd rather you ask.  Whispers can hurt!